When we cant lean on our own understanding...

There have been some thoughts in the last few months, thoughts that I find myself pondering repeatedly. Thoughts that I cannot find a "solution" for, thoughts for which I can't find a resolution myself.

Isn't it crazy, that no matter what happens to us, at some point in our lives, we will be pleased about that one thing that happened to us?
For instance, there could be something super tragic that happened to you and in that moment you have no idea how you would ever be able to get over that thing. Or you have no idea why it even happened to you.
And somehow, a couple of years later, you find yourself smiling at exactly that moment and thanking God for it, because you see that that one moment had to happen in order for you to grow and learn.

All that pain makes sense again. We are grateful for all the pain we were "able" to go through because it makes us who we are. It makes us better people.

I love the idea of going through pain and suffering, knowing that something beautiful awaits us after that. Something that wouldn't exist if the pain and suffering hadn't happened. It gives the pain and suffering significance. So, in a way, without proving that point, I would say we need some form of pain to become stronger and wiser.

So everything we go through right now, that we don't understand, is a preparation for our future self. The hard thing is to trust the process, to be strong enough and not lose faith that at some point it will all make sense.

What is hard, or at least for me, is to have that trust, that everything will be alright. And everything happens exactly how it should happen. Who tells me that what happens is the one thing that had to happen? Who tells me that out of the million different outcomes, the outcome I'm in right now is the right one?

Who tells me that the meaning I'll put on that past event isn't just something my brain made up so I would feel better about something that I otherwise wouldn't be able to cope with?

Do we make up those stories in our own mind to feel better about the "bad" decisions we made in our past? But how would we know that those were "bad" decisions in the first place? Again, it could be that everything happens exactly as it should, and so the story we tell ourselves is not a fictional story, it's reality.

The funny thing is, we'll never ever be able to know whether it is reality or our brain making up stuff. There are no rational thinking processes that could help you understand that problem. Or at least as far as I know there are none. If you think about the bad situation you're in, your mind will search for every possible "rational" thought that benefits the one viewpoint that you want to see in that moment.

So how do we know what is right? How do we know that everything will be okay? How do we know that we're on the right path when we see no light?

Maybe that question is not for us to answer. Maybe, in that case, we can't rely on our own understanding. But if not on our own understanding, on what then can we rely? Is there something that helps us in those situations? That guides us to the right decision?

This is a question everyone might have to answer for themselves. A question I don't want to answer for you neither could I do so. A question to which everyone has to find their own answer. :)

Sometimes it's okay to not understand, to just trust... and therefore not lean on our own understanding.